Sometimes I intercept a symphony that I don't mean to and often times cold-heartedly wish that I hadn't. But it's these symphonies that change me - mold me into the person I am now and will be when all is said and done. Some symphonies aren't as beautiful as others, some have flaws, some are missing instruments - but they are still a symphony regardless. I am not the Great Composer, and yet sometimes I act like it. Sometimes I pretend that it is my work that has made someone better or different. I act like it is my doing when things go well or right when in fact I have no control over any of this. Sure, I make decisions, but He made the ultimate decision to put me here in the first place. Even I need work, continuous labor to make my song sound pleasing. And, even then, my song simply goes out of tune so easily, instuments come and go from the group, and my notes and timing can get off track - out of sync. All the while, I am here and trying to discern others hearts and tell them how they should be.
Why must I be so manipulative? Who do I think that I am? I am not the One that composes this whole masterpiece we call the human race, so who am I to try and change what He so beautifully placed here. The diversity is for harmony, and all the while I have been trying to make it a melody.
Oh to be the angel that waits on Him. To know Him so well. To not be here and have this will, this hateful heart of mine that seeks to do the opposite of His Song. Oh to be an angel - to be with Him as we speak.
Why do I think that I have it so hard all the time? Who am I to speak on heartache and pain? For I have seen a hurt greater than mine and have realized that they are out there. Who am I to try and yell at the moon to change its path or the stars to change thier course? I have no right to complain or to hold disdain towards the Great Composer who designes each planets dance and each stars coordinates. I hold my mouth in utter awe that I have breeched a line that mortals cannot cross. My complaining is nothing and so am I. No more complaining do I have now to give for I am blessed to have a father, I am blessed to have reached my twentieth birthday, I am blessed to have friends at all...

I have been so caught up in turning twenty and hating it that I missed it completely. It's gone and I'll never get it back. Ever.
I have been so caught up in my love for a mortal that I have lost my love and sight of Him, the One I promised myself to for the next 8 months.
I have been so caught up in myself that I have yet to do something so simple as call someone on thier birthday when they have done that for me for 8 years straight.
I have been so stupid. I have been so self-absorbed. I have been so lazy. I have been so useless.
I have been a stranger in the eyes of The Maker.

God forgive me.
- The Individual