PS: Ok, if I can hold it all together everything will be fine. I am not suicidal I am just a girl. If my boyfriend and I, my portfolio all come through - then I will know that I am not doomed to fail. God must be up there somewhere rooting for me. He must be. I just have to focus on what He wants me to do and not get distracted by all these other things and people going on around me. It's not about luck; it's about work, and I know that. I just wish that this would come a bit easier for me.
I almost don't want to say anything to make Him mad. Like I might jinx myself. As though things I have done in the past can jinx me in regards to God. I am so very afraid. So so afraid.
Please God. Please.